Joanne Bailey

Living the dream! That's what I wanted and why not, everyone has a dream and mine was becoming a reality. I had met my husband out in Abu Dhabi in May 2002 and we had returned to the U.K. to get married and buy a house, but something pulled me back to the place we met and now I realise that coming back was more than just fate playing a hand. Returning to where I met my husband actually saved my life.

We had been out to Abu Dhabi on holiday at Christmas 05 and coincidentally on the last night fate played its hand with my husband being offered his old job back. I sat on the plane back to the UK with such a good feeling, happiness in my heart knowing that we would have a fantastic future together. As the months passed, our luck went from strength to strength. I attended an interview late January for a teaching position at the school I used to teach in and was offered a fantastic job for the coming September woo hoo!! I was on cloud nine and couldn't wait to start getting paperwork together and making plans for our move over. The only downside was that Rob had to start his job in the April and we would be apart for 3 months, as I needed to see my contract out with my school, which finished at the end of July. It was going to be the hardest three months of our lives but it meant that we would have every night together and such a fantastic way of life and opportunity that we both knew would be worth it.

Preparations begin March 2005.
Paperwork, medicals etc, such a long process but exciting at the same time. I had always been healthy enough so I went for the HIV test, which is a necessary requirement for working in the Middle East and the chest X Ray, both all clear everything moving along smoothly. I started to make plans for what we would take and arranging where Rob would live for the first few months. I even planned a nice little holiday that would coincide him starting in April and my holiday from work so I could fly out with him and get a bit of sun at the same time. Everything was fantastic!!! Although actually it wasn't, at the back of my mind something has been bothering me since the Christmas, I had had a little bit of bleeding after intercourse and was a little concerned. I had been to the local family planning clinic to get my monthly contraception and thought I would mention it. The reply (which now horrifies me) don't worry if you are not having bleeding all the time its nothing to worry about. My 3 year smear test was a couple of months overdue so I decided it was about time to go and get checked out. I had always had clear smear tests so I didn't think there would be anything to worry about. Lie back and count the cracks in the ceiling.

I had always hated smear tests when I was younger but still religiously went for them and never had a problem. I used to hate the male GP who did them as he was an older chap and used to make a funny grunting sound, not the most pleasant of experiences. Today was different though, I was greeted by a lovely female nurse who put me at ease straight away and told me what was going to happen during the test. As soon as she started I began to bleed a little bit, its nothing to worry about she told me, it may just be an erosion although she did go on to say that my cervix looked irregular (whatever that was supposed to mean). Okay thank you, you should get your results in 10-14 days time. Phew that's another thing over with before I head off to Abu Dhabi.

Party time.
Clear smear woo hoo! As the letter dropped through the door I sighed a huge sigh of relief. Nothing was going to stop us now. All my tests were clear and it was only a few weeks away from Rob leaving to set up home for us again abroad. I had arranged a family get together to wave him off, had a lovely holiday booked to be with him for the 1st week and then found out about my friends hen due in May, party!! We flew out to Abu Dhabi and had a great week together, there were a few hiccups with accommodation but it would be sorted soon when Rob could start looking for accommodation properly one his visa came through.

Feeling nervous
You know when you sometimes sit back and think - wow everything is going really well for us. Well I was at that stage but at the back of my mind there was still the worry that again on holiday I had bled a little after intercourse. Something is not quite right; I had been told at my smear that I had an erosion and that during intercourse depending on the position that the bleeding was caused by the penis rubbing slightly against the erosion. Oh well maybe I just have to get on with it, the doctors surely know what is going on. It was put to the back of my mind for a while as I got into work and began to really miss Rob. He was busy looking for a lovely apartment for us and was excited about us being together.

I have got to do something!
May 2006 yet another holiday to Abu Dhabi. I wasn't supposed to be going but I was missing Rob so much that I took a few days off work unpaid and got a cheap fight over for the week. It was so lovely to be with him and get excited about finding accommodation. He was going to look at a few properties in the coming weeks and put down a deposit on one for us. Again we had a lovely week but the niggling doubts cam back again for the final time. As I sat in the bathroom, tears came to my eyes, what's up Jo? Rob asked. Nothing I replied, he was very aware of the problem of bleeding after intercourse but something was telling me that this was not an erosion. I had no idea what it could be, although I teach ICT I had not googled or searched for symptoms. I decided that when I returned to the UK I would investigate further, of course the first thing that I found was the dreaded words CERVICAL CANCER. I put it to the back of my mind and went to see my GP who was fantastic telling me not to panic,, my smear had been clear. I had done my research and had all the facts. I probably came across as a little arrogant as I told her straight that I wanted to have a colposcopy. This was a patient telling the doctor that she had had enough!!! I told her my history that since Christmas I had been having bleeding etc etc. PHEW she agreed to do an examination and after having a look agreed that she would send me for the colposcopy. I was more relieved, I wasn't worried as all of my smears had been clear and I didn't have any other symptoms of anything.

Ball starts rolling
My GP gave me a choice of hospitals that I could go to, I looked at the list and decided upon the one with the lowest waiting list, still 2 weeks but at least everything would be done in time for me going to Abu Dhabi in 2 months time. So, bright and early, washed and carefully scrubbed, legs shaved and more than the normal amount of daytime make up applied off I went for the appointment. I hadn't told anyone else about it apart from Rob as I really didn't think it was anything to worry about. It was just a check up after all wasn't it? As I got there I thought wow, a lovely small hospital, friendly staff and a nice quiet car park with plenty of parking. The nurse was lovely and explained what was about to happen as the other nurse began the procedure. It wont hurt she promised and it didn't. As I lay their legs akimbo for the 3rd time this year for strangers nurse number one kept me occupied asking about my job and family. It turned out that I had been teaching her daughter at a school down the road with the advisory work that I had been doing. Now I was embarrassed ha ha. Okay all done, we will let you know soon. As I left my worries lessened, surely if anything was wrong they would have seen something or told me there and then and after all I had elected to have a colposcopy, nobody had sent me for one. That weekend was my friend Su's hen due in Magaluf. I was so looking forward to a girlie weekend away. Both my sisters were going too and I knew it would be a right laugh. I packed my stuff and headed up to Manchester on the Thursday so I could travel down to London with them all on the Friday morning. The weekend was a blue, all alcohol induced but a fantastic laugh.

Laughs and dreams over!
God I was knackered! Having driven back from Manchester I arrived back in Liverpool late on the Sunday night, stuck a wash in the machine and settled down to a hot bubble bath and glass of wine. The post and answer machine messages could wait. Bills Bills and more bills, ooh a brown envelope, no not a lottery cheque and as I looked at the post mark I could clearly see it was from the hospital. My heart started to beat as I opened the envelope. Please come for a follow up appointment on Friday, OH NO that was last Friday when I had been away on the hen weekend. It had arrived as I had been in Manchester. My heart was pounding now, why do they need me to contact them and go for another appointment. What had they found? It was too late to ring Rob with the time difference. I didn't sleep that night and found the bottom of the whole bottle of wine disappear very quickly.

Dreams deteriorating
After a few hours of very broken sleep, I text and then rang Rob. Don't worry he said its probably procedure. Rob works in a hospital and he is always very positive so his words made me relax a little. I rang the hospital with my heart beating at ten times the speed. I apologised and asked if I could rearrange my appointment. The lady explained that they needed to see me about my results. She would not tell me anymore and asked me to come in the next day. I was in an absolute state and could not concentrate on anything. I rang back and pleaded with them to see me as soon as possible. She agreed and told me to come there and then. I have never driven so fast, yet could not remember and still don't remember the route I took. I was shaking this time as I waited so nervously in the waiting room. My beautiful husband was thousands of miles away in Abu Dhabi and I sat alone waiting for the news.

High Grade CGIN and an area of carcinoma that could be invasive! Why isn't my fantastic husband with me, what on earth does that mean? I didn't really hear anything else apart from needing further treatment possible a cone biopsy or Lletz treatment. My head was pounding. How on earth was I going to ring Rob thousand of miles away and tell him I had to have an operation. Our life was all planned out, new jobs, new apartment how could I spoil all of that? I felt so selfish as if this was my entire fault. Why had no one listened? I knew something was wrong and the results had proved it? My hand was shaking as I rang Rob, I didn't know what carcinoma meant until he confirmed my fears that it could possibly be the dreaded C word. NO NO NO it can't be. Everyone in my life who had had cancer had died from it. My god stay strong you don't know yet! There was hope, it may only be pre cancerous and not invasive, don't give up yet. The car park became a blur I had to tell somebody. I rang my sister who drove straight over from Manchester to be with me that night.

My treadmill journey began
My first appointment was made for the Cone biopsy, it was to be a day case where they were going to cut out a cone shaped biopsy from the cervix to investigate the margins and whether the cells were invasive or not if the margins were clear this could be the only treatment needed. I silently prayed, I didn't know who too but anyone who would listen and make everything okay. The day arrived, Rob had returned from Abu Dhabi to be with me and had a week booked off work. he drove me to the hospital for 7am and as I changed into my gross pyjamas the reality of it all sank in. The tears started to flow and fear crept into me, this was real. What if they find something worse? Rob at this point was being ushered out (by nurses whom at the time thought they were being helpful) but all I wanted was to wrap my arms around my husband and for him to tell me that everything would be okay. I tried to occupy the time by reading girlie magazines and chatted to other ladies who were in for allsorts of ops from an infected toe to all sorts of other ailments. As I whisked my way down to the theatre little did I know that this was only the start.

Results Day
Rob drove me to the hospital that day and I could not concentrate, be positive Rob kept saying. Things will be fine. As my name was called the rest of the day became a blur and I have had to think back to remember what really happened.
As I sat looking at the consultant, I saw a dark shadow form across his face, it was as if everyone had turned out the lights not only in the room but on my world. 'CANCER' that was the only word I heard everything else was a blur, it was a good job Rob was with me. Tracheloctomy, Hysterectomy, children, no children, MRI scan, stages whir whir whir my mind was a blank.

Dream Over!
I came up with analogy after I was in remission, my journey felt like I was on a treadmill and was never going to get off it. I was whizzed off to have a blood test and MRI scan booked. Sleep was a luxury as my mind was a whir, was I going to live, had it spread? Would I have a future? Would I be able to have children? Finding Jo's Trust
I had so many questions but so little answers, my family were fantastic and my husband amazing (bearing in mind he had to fly back to Abu Dhabi and give his notice on his job so at this point neither of us had a job) but they didn't REALLY UNDERSTAND. I needed to speak to someone who was going through it, somebody who could give me really hope. I googled and googled and stumbled across a website called Jo's Trust. I read and read and at first really scared myself with what women had been through. I posted my first message, newly diagnosed, Within 10 minutes I had a lovely message from a lady called Go Lightly Cat (weird name) welcome to Jo's the place you don't really want to be. By the end of the night I had had over 30 replies all from women who had been through and could give me support. Jo's trust was the answer to all my prayers, it was an absolute godsend and still is. The women on it are amazing, all been through so much but all willing to support others.

After my MRI scan the tests continued, I was booked in for an EUA to see what the stage was, there had been a mass shown on the MRI but they were unsure whether this was scar tissue from the cone biopsy. Finally on the 30th June 2006 I was told that my cancer diagnosis was Adenocarcinoma of the cervix stage 1b1. This meant that they would go for the radical hysterectomy and pelvic lymph removal to ensure there was no spread. I also found out that the type of cancer I had would not have shown on a smear until very late so it was a good job that I had listened to my own body.

12th September 2006 D Day
Big Bridget Jones knickers bought, peppermint in my bag, new pyjamas and ready for the hospital, let's get this bugger cut out of me. I hated the fact that from diagnosis I was living with cancer inside my body so I was actually in a weird way looking forward to the op. Not looking forward but couldn't wait to get rid of IT! The staff were amazing and I settled into the ward with 5 of the most amazing women I have ever met. I had taken my phone with me too so I kept in regular contact with the wonderful women on Jo's. As I came round I remember my husband whispering in my ear. It was a success babes. Lets just wait and see for the lymph results. On the 7th October I was given the results I had been waiting for CLEAR!!!!!!! I will remember that day for the rest of my life. The girls on Jo's Trust were with me every step of the way and always will be.

It's now nearly 3 year on since having Cervical Cancer. The type of cancer I had is not always detected straight away on a smear test and that is why both smear tests and websites like Jo's Trust are so important. The best thing of all is that guess what!! I am typing this in my apartment in Abu Dhabi as YES I got to live my dream with my husband and both of the jobs we were offered and had held out for us.
Jo's trust is an amazing charity and I feel very honoured to be a part of it, it has kept me sane and at times kept me going on. I feel I can finally support other women in their fight to beat this horrid disease and share my experiences with them. The women are both inspirational and have become family to me. I cannot thank them enough for always being there, no matter what time of day x